crimsonsparkles (crimsonsparkles) wrote in pharmadecay,

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New person here...

that i decided to post without fully reading everyone else's posts. I will read them all.

1. Are you:

A. female
B. male

2. Sexual Orientation:

A. heterosexual

3. Job/School (i.e. high school student, doctor, etc.)
College student, reluctant seafood worker in a supermarket.

4. How old are you currently?

5. How old were you when you first SI-ed?
Technically, 14. But there are a lot of things that i did (do) that i have been doing for years, that i never really connected with si.

6. Why do you SI?
I don't really know. Sometimes because it is better than hurting someone else. That is how it started. But now... mainly cuz I like it.... I want it.

7. What is your main method of SI (cutting, burning, hitting, etc.)? Do you have any others?
I usually cut. If I don't have a good blade, then I will scratch with a piece of glass. Sometimes I salt and ice burn or drip candle wax on my skin.

8. Do you feel pain when you SI? Or have you dissociated?
Sometimes. Depends where/why.

9. How do you feel before, during, and after you SI?
Before:Again, this depends. If I am angry, then I am angry. Sometimes Lonely. Some times nothing at all.
During: Euphoric
After: *smiles slowly to herself*

10. Do you have any rituals?
Yes and no. If I am cutting my wrist, all the lines (I usually cut really shallow lines, many of them), all the lines have to be almost perfectly parallel. If I am burning, I have to use two ice cubes or two candles.

11. Have you ever SI-ed in front of anyone? Have you ever been caught?
In class, but my hands were in my pocket, so no one saw. In front of my boyfriend, but i got such a look of guilt, and fear from him that i probably wont do that again.

12. Do you anybody who SI's (friend, family member, etc)? Did they have any influence on your own behavior?
A few people actually. But I didn't start because of them. I found out after I started that they cut. MY former best and and my current boyfriend cut because of me.

13. How do you hide your SI?
My studded bracelet, long pants, my lp wristband. I don't hide them unless they are really new, or i am at home.

14. Have you ever told anyone you SI? If yes, then who?
A few. Most of my friends know, mainly because I take offence at their cutter jokes. Cutting is not funny. My mother (a "friend" turned me in to the school.)

15. How did they react and what did you feel?
My mother hates it. She thought I was doing it for attention. I hid everything at that point. It was not attention I was looking for. Most of my friends are surprized. in public i have a rather "bubbly" personality.

16. Why did you tell? If you haven't told anyone, why not?
My mother I was forced to tell. Others found out at random times.

17. Since you've told has living with your SI been easier or more difficult? If you haven't told how do think things would change if you did?
A little harder. I really can't let anything slip, showing wise. If they do, it creates more lies. My mother thinks that I stopped cutting over a year ago. I didn't.

18. Do you want to stop SI-ing? Why?
Not really. I like the feelings I get from it. I wish i didn;t need it though.

19. Do you have any coping skills (methods) that help stop you from SI-ing? If so, what are they?
I sew. Make things. Play my DS.

20. Have you ever gotten any medical attention for your injuries? What were the attitudes you encountered from medical professionals?
Haven't had medical attention from my injuries.

21. Have you ever gone into therapy to treat your self-injurious behavior? Have you ever gone in-patient at a psychiatric hospital because of your self-injury or for any mental illness that cause you to self-injure?
I have been in councelling of one form or another since i was 10. it started to work with one intern at my high school, but then she left. no one else has helped.

22. Do you take any medication for your SI or for any mental illness that causes you to self-injure? If yes, which medication?

23. Have you ever been refused therapy or lost a psychologist because of your SI?

24. Do you have any other mental illnesses apart from SI such as:

Nothing diagnosed....

25. Have you ever suffered any abuse (emotional, physical, sexual)? (Note: If you don't feel comfortable you have the choice not to answer the question)
Not that I was aware of. A boyfriend was manipulative, but I realized it before the damage was too great.

im the one in the red.

i am in the black

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