★ shining brightly (tundere) wrote in pharmadecay,
★ shining brightly

New Flesh

1. Are you:

A. female
B. male

2. Sexual Orientation:

A. heterosexual
B. gay/lesbian
C. bisexual
D. asexual

3. Job/School (i.e. high school student, doctor, etc.)
Unemployed. Currently living on benefits because I'm unable to work.

4. How old are you currently?

5. How old were you when you first SI-ed?
Twelve, I think.

6. Why do you SI?
I honestly can't express that. It's just... what I do.

7. What is your main method of SI (cutting, burning, hitting, etc.)? Do you have any others?
Cutting, burning, punching walls, ripping out my hair, hitting myself.

8. Do you feel pain when you SI? Or have you dissociated?
I don't really feel anything any more.

9. How do you feel before, during, and after you SI?
Numb, better, then numb again.

10. Do you have any rituals?
No. I'm not a ritualistic person; routine bores me.

11. Have you ever SI-ed in front of anyone? Have you ever been caught?
My mother walked in on me self-harming once, and I've done it in front of/with friends since then.

12. Do you anybody who SI's (friend, family member, etc)? Did they have any influence on your own behavior?
Most of the friends I had when I was younger self-harmed, but I started long before I discovered that.

13. How do you hide your SI?
Long sleeves and lies.

14. Have you ever told anyone you SI? If yes, then who?
My family knows, but they believe I've stopped.

15. How did they react and what did you feel?
They were confused, mainly. I was, yet again, numb.

16. Why did you tell? If you haven't told anyone, why not?
I was about thirteen when I told my father, and I did it because I was drunk.

17. Since you've told has living with your SI been easier or more difficult? If you haven't told how do think things would change if you did?
Easier because I no longer have to face awkward questions.

18. Do you want to stop SI-ing? Why?
No. It's part of what I am, at the moment, and I am not ready to change that.

19. Do you have any coping skills (methods) that help stop you from SI-ing? If so, what are they?

20. Have you ever gotten any medical attention for your injuries? What were the attitudes you encountered from medical professionals?
Stitches several times, and the nurses were always lovely. The doctors were sometimes awful to deal with, though.

21. Have you ever gone into therapy to treat your self-injurious behavior? Have you ever gone in-patient at a psychiatric hospital because of your self-injury or for any mental illness that cause you to self-injure?
I've been in therapy for god knows how long, and was committed to a psychiatric unit for two months earlier this year.

22. Do you take any medication for your SI or for any mental illness that causes you to self-injure? If yes, which medication?
I've recently been taken off all my meds, which is actually really fantastic. (:

23. Have you ever been refused therapy or lost a psychologist because of your SI?
Yes. He was not qualified to deal with

24. Do you have any other mental illnesses apart from SI such as:

Borderline Personality
Post Traumatic Stress
Obsessive Compulsive
Anxiety/Panic Attacks
Dissociative Identity/Multiple Personality
Alcohol/Drug Addiction
Other: psychosis that may or may not be caused by schizophrenia; there hasn't been a final diagnosis yet.
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