My Voice of Reason is Overcome by My Neurosis (draugwen) wrote in pharmadecay,
My Voice of Reason is Overcome by My Neurosis

1. Are you:

A. female

2. Sexual Orientation:

C. bisexual

3. Job/School (i.e. high school student, doctor, etc.)
College student, double-majoring in zoology and music.

4. How old are you currently?

5. How old were you when you first SI-ed?
Officially, 14, but I'd been hurting myself since I was a kid.

6. Why do you SI?
Because it helps me function

7. What is your main method of SI (cutting, burning, hitting, etc.)? Do you have any others?
Cutting, usually, but I'll resort to scratching, pulling hair, picking at scabs or hangnails, anything that hurts.

8. Do you feel pain when you SI? Or have you dissociated?
Yes, but it doesn't exactly hurt.

9. How do you feel before, during, and after you SI?
Before: Usually very depressed or anxious, one of my triggers. During: A little ashamed, but eager. After: relaxed, centered.

10. Do you have any rituals?
Usually I'll cut my leg, and then press on the cut with my palm, and breathe in and out about five times.

11. Have you ever SI-ed in front of anyone? Have you ever been caught?
Only once, yesterday. I was having a panic attack and just wanted to end it quickly. I'm really regretting doing it in front of someone. I feel like shit.

12. Do you anybody who SI's (friend, family member, etc)? Did they have any influence on your own behavior?
Not since high school. So far I'm the only one.

13. How do you hide your SI?
Since I cut on my thigh it isn't hard. I just try to avoid swimming or undressing around people.

14. Have you ever told anyone you SI? If yes, then who?
I've told my best friends and my parents. But they don't know I'm doing it again.

15. How did they react and what did you feel?
Naturally they were upset that I felt the need to hurt myself, and my parents were upset I didn't ask them for help, especially my dad who's a therapist.

16. Why did you tell? If you haven't told anyone, why not?
I told my best friends back in high school because I trusted them and needed to tell someone. I told my parents recently I used to because there was a lot of disunity in the house and they needed to know how deep my depression goes. They still don't know I've started again.

17. Since you've told has living with your SI been easier or more difficult? If you haven't told how do think things would change if you did?
It was easier before I started again.

18. Do you want to stop SI-ing? Why?
I don't know. On the one hand I'm ashamed of it, but on the other it's something that helps me get through the day/week/month, and we all need something.

19. Do you have any coping skills (methods) that help stop you from SI-ing? If so, what are they?
Simply distraction, but it isn't always effective.

20. Have you ever gotten any medical attention for your injuries? What were the attitudes you encountered from medical professionals?
No, although I should have on several occasions. I was very adamant about keeping it a secret.

21. Have you ever gone into therapy to treat your self-injurious behavior? Have you ever gone in-patient at a psychiatric hospital because of your self-injury or for any mental illness that cause you to self-injure?
I have been to a therapist, but I don't remember if my SI was a big central point. It was mainly about the anxiety.

22. Do you take any medication for your SI or for any mental illness that causes you to self-injure? If yes, which medication?
I take Paxil for depression and anxiety.

23. Have you ever been refused therapy or lost a psychologist because of your SI?

24. Do you have any other mental illnesses apart from SI such as:

Borderline Personality (mild)
Obsessive Compulsive (mild)
Anxiety/Panic Attacks (GAD)

25. Have you ever suffered any abuse (emotional, physical, sexual)? (Note: If you don't feel comfortable you have the choice not to answer the question)
Not really. Some emotional abuse from ex-boyfriends and my family. I was sexually open with a girl in my neighborhood when I was a child.

26. Comments? Would you like to describe any aspect of self-injury? Feel free to put whatever you think or feel, etc. down.

Please post a picture (or pictures), of yourself.


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