I have decided to create a website for NZers on Self Mutilation. I decided to do this out of my own frustration and despair over the fact that there are basically no resources for NZers who deal with this. So I asked Armando if he had any suggestions.
If anoys have suggestions, please, please let me know. Once it is up, I plan on sending the link to hospitals and mental-health fields.
I went to the Feilding library today. I got a heap of great books, I FINALLY got Elizabeth Wurtzel's book, Prozac Nation. I love her. I got another book about a girl who cuts, one about anorexia, two about serial killers (one is a book of straight interviews with killers), and a book of strange case studies from psychology.
I'm really down atm. I hate it. I am still at my mothers, which both sucks and is good. I wish I had bought blades with me, but am kind of relieved that I didn't. A large part of me doesn't want to stop cutting, as I feel as though I have not hurt myself badly enough. In comparisson to alot of people, I am a fucking emo kid. But then a part of me is scared of what I will do. I won't kill myself, I made a proise to a few people, one of them myself, but I am scared of living.
Also, I am feeling really fucking fat. I realised that I have put 10kg on! At first it didn't make sense, as I have been eating alot less (and alot healthier), but then I remembered my stupid meds. This is another reason I hope Starr changes my meds.
Do I want to get 'better'?
I really don't know.